Help for Loved Ones: Support Without Losing Yourself
Caring about someone who’s struggling with alcohol, drugs, or mental health is hard. Clear, practical steps are crucial to start a safe conversation, set kind boundaries, and support treatment without making promises or doing it all alone.
Our website is for information only. We help you understand your options and prepare for conversations with licensed providers, but we do not diagnose, treat, or guarantee outcomes.
If This Is an Emergency
Call your local emergency number now if your loved one is struggling to breathe, is unresponsiveness, is having seizures, chest pain, or severe confusion, or is threatening of self-harm. For mental health emergencies, use your country’s suicide and crisis line. Online pages can’t manage crises.
What You Can Do Today (3 Small Steps)
Safety check. Remove immediate dangers where possible (e.g., secure medications, sharps, car keys if someone is intoxicated).
One clear ask. “Would you talk with a counselor for 15 minutes this week?” Keep it specific and doable.
Gather info. Pick 2–3 licensed, accredited programs and your insurance details (if you have coverage). Being ready shortens the gap between “yes” and starting care.
How to Start the Conversation
Simple Script (Use Your Own Words)
“I care about you. I’ve noticed [facts, not labels]—missing class/late to work, not sleeping, more drinking. How are you feeling?”
“I’m not here to judge or force you. I want to help you feel better and be safe.”
“Would you be open to a short call with a clinician to see what support could look like?”
Do’s and Don’ts
Do: listen more than you talk • use “I” statements • offer specific help (a ride, a call, childcare) • keep your boundaries clear • celebrate small steps.
Don’t: shame, argue when someone is intoxicated, make threats you won’t keep, or promise outcomes you can’t control.
Kind Boundaries (Examples)
“I won’t give money, but I can buy groceries or drive you to an appointment.”
“I can’t be around when substances are in the house. If they are, I’ll take a break and talk tomorrow.”
“I’ll answer calls until 10 p.m. After that, I’ll respond in the morning unless it’s an emergency.”
When They’re Not Ready
People move through stages (not ready → thinking → trying). Pressure can backfire. Keep the door open and focus on safety.
- Offer low-pressure options (a brief assessment, virtual visit, or support group).
- Ask what matters to them (work, kids, sleep, legal concerns) and tie help to those goals.
- If opioids might be involved, learn how to use naloxone and consider keeping it on hand. (It reverses opioid overdoses; it’s safe to use while you call emergency services.)
Safety Planning at Home
Overdose signs (opioids): Very slow or stopped breathing, blue/gray lips, hard to wake. Call emergency services; give naloxone if available.
Alcohol/benzodiazepines: Withdrawal can be dangerous—confusion, seizures. Don’t encourage sudden stopping without medical advice.
Secure storage: Lock up medications; dispose of unused meds via take-back programs.
Reduce risks: Avoid driving after use; limit access to weapons or other lethal means; plan who you’ll call if things escalate.
Choosing a Level of Care
Detox: short-term medical support for withdrawal and stabilization.
Inpatient/Residential: 24/7 structure when risks are higher or home isn’t stable.
PHP (Day Program) / IOP: strong support most days or several evenings a week.
Outpatient & Telehealth: flexible therapy and, when appropriate, medication management.
A clinician should assess which level fits safety, withdrawal risks, home support, and goals.
How Families Can Support Treatment
- Join family education or therapy (with your loved one’s consent).
Help with logistics: rides, childcare, time off for appointments. - Encourage medication discussions (when appropriate) with a prescriber—your loved one decides.
- Ask the program about aftercare before discharge (appointments, support groups, safety plan).
- Expect progress to be uneven; practice patience and steady routines.
Privacy, Consent & Updates (HIPAA Basics)
Adults control who can receive treatment updates. Ask your loved one to sign a simple release so programs can talk with you. If they say no, you can still share information to the program; they may not be able to share back without consent.
Teens & Young Adults
Rules about consent vary by age and location. Ask providers what’s allowed. Coordinate with school when needed (privacy first). Family sessions can help with communication, boundaries, and routines.
Insurance & Costs
Coverage varies by plan, provider, and level of care. Programs can verify benefits and estimate deductibles or copays. Final eligibility and costs are confirmed by the program and your insurer. Ask about in-network options, self-pay rates, and payment plans.
Aftercare & Relapse Prevention
- Plan before discharge: therapy schedule, medication follow-ups (if used), support group options, and a crisis/safety plan.
- Spot early warning signs: skipping appointments, new secrecy, changes in sleep or mood, old triggers.
- Respond to slips: focus on safety first; encourage a quick return to care or a temporary step-up (IOP/PHP). Avoid shame—short detours can happen.
Your Well-Being Matters, Too
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Consider a support group for families, counseling for yourself, regular sleep and meals, light exercise, and time with people who refill your energy. Taking care of you helps you show up steady and kind.
Quick Reference (Printable Mini-Checklist)
- One clear ask for this week
- Two programs to call + insurance card
- Safety: meds locked, naloxone on hand if opioids possible
- Boundary you’ll keep today
- Your own support: friend/counselor/support group
FAQs
What if they refuse help?
Keep the door open, set kind boundaries, and stay consistent. Re-invite them to a brief call or virtual assessment next week.
Should I give money?
Consider meeting needs directly (food, rides) instead of cash. Say what you will and won’t do—clearly and kindly.
Can I make them go to treatment?
Adults generally choose their own care except in limited safety/legal situations. Ask a clinician about options in your area. Our pages are educational, not legal advice.
Do medications mean they’re “not really sober”?
Medications for alcohol or opioid use disorders can be part of evidence-based care. Decisions are personal and made with a prescriber.
How long will recovery take?
There’s no set timeline. Plans adjust as needs change. Aftercare helps maintain progress.
Helpful Resources
In Crisis? Get Immediate Help
If you are in danger or thinking of self-harm, call 911 (or your local emergency number). In the US, dial or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.